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Should you invite an unsupportive guest to your gay wedding?

Invite Putin to your gay wedding?

for The Brooklyn Paper
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One of the most harrowing aspects of planning a wedding is deciding whom to invite. The couple, understandably, wants to invite guests that are supportive of their union. Yet assembling a guest list may not be as black and white as inviting positive guests and excluding nasty naysayers. There may be a certain unsupportive individual that is not a wanted addition to your special day whose omission may create a sticky situation.

For instance, the unsupportive individual may be a relative or close family friend, and not inviting him may cause discomfort, awkwardness, or even an unpleasant argument between you, your partner, or someone important in your family.

So, what do you do when you stumble upon this kind of unpleasant predicament?

We are not exactly sure. The decision is a personal one that you and your future spouse need to discuss. Yet, in order to help you make the decision, we have compiled a list of pros and cons to consider while you are determining whether to invite Debbie Downer to your wedding.

Pro: You are being the bigger person

There is an upside to being the one who extends the olive branch. It proves that unlike your potential guest, you can rise above the situation.

Plus, just because you invited this misanthrope, it doesn’t mean he will actually show up.

“There are some people you have to invite,” says Kari Steinberg of Park Slope, Brooklyn who married her wife in Massachusetts in 2006. “But like any wedding, you just have to hope that they won’t accept your invitation.”

Con: They will be part of an important memory

Remember that, even without any strategic photo bombing, this person’s Grumpy-Cat face will be in your wedding photos and video. That is, unless you or your partner happens to be a whiz with Photoshop and iMovie, of course.

Pro: You will make other people happy

This negative guest’s presence will actually have a positive influence — you will make mama, pops, nana, Cousin Maria, or Brother Jeff happy by inviting their unsupportive son, daughter, husband, wife, or evil pet Chihuahua, Charlie. It will spare your wanted guests the unpleasant awkwardness of getting into arguments with someone they love or, worse yet, having to choose sides.

Con: They might start trouble

There is a high possibility that this person may get so upset, they start a scene. He may also try to sabotage the procedures, such as choosing to share his lack of support during the toast or when the official says: “speak now or forever hold your peace.” Yet, even if he does do this, or gets drunk and starts bickering with guests, the best thing to do is to confront the situation as quickly and tastefully as possible. Then, once diffused, continue on with your happy day.

Pro: Maybe you can change his mind

Your unique love demonstrated in a personalized ceremony and reception could bring the negative guest around. He may even realize that your love and wedding is not that different from a straight person’s, and changing this individual’s mind could be the most rewarding wedding gift you could ever receive. But, then again, even if he remains steadfast in his disapproval, you and your partner can always rub the Downer’s nose in the fabulousness of your big day.

For more tips about how to deal with an unsupportive guest, read our article “The homophobe at the wedding.

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